“If anyone told me 15 years ago where I would be now, I would not have believed them. I think that human beings are essentially good, but when we get into toxic environments there is so much damage, which nobody sees. I am now at a point where I can talk about it and not be upset. It’s like a scar that has been hit so many times that it’s become hardened. I wish it on nobody. That’s why, when I read your invitation to talk about these experiences, I was very happy to share with the world. I now have 2 court cases and I continue to fight because I want to contribute to a world where people don't have to go through what happened to me.

At the time when I was struggling the most, the organization I worked for was transitioning to new structures. All HR people were busy with everything else but supporting employees. The company psychologist told me that the HR department is so busy, I would only get a response if I was management. That information in that moment felt somewhat strange, though I do not recall questioning it as it came from a trusted and authoritative source! With current awareness, I see the dysfunction and inhumanity, and how these were normalized.

It was a pivotal point for me. I needed HR to share vital information on how I could proceed, what my options were and where to find resources but they were nowhere to be found. It took 3 months to get a response and it did not even answer my questions! The delays kept me uninformed and vulnerable to my employer's coercions. I made poor decisions that impacted me professionally and financially for years.

I had my workplace failing me, but also my family doctor of over 20 years. She was just about to retire, and after 4 months of under-diagnosing me as having burnout, she said to me, "You just need to go back to work. People expect you to be better by now". She pushed for a Return to Work Plan and I felt she was leading me to my death. In fear and confusion, I could not challenge her or seek a second opinion. Who would believe me over an established medical professional? That doctor caused and enabled further bullying and further damages. Meanwhile, I felt like a failure at recovery.

In my case, professionals such as doctors, lawyers, and psychologists did not communicate directly with one another. They worked in silos. Each of them had a different piece of the puzzle and they didn’t ask enough questions to understand the bigger picture and the root causes of my problems. I was the information hub at a time when I was the least competent to navigate my situation.

There were so many procedural errors and gaps! They may have been honest mistakes but then there were intentional efforts to cover them up. This became clear when more evidence came to light. I am only now coming to the point where I have full clarity and can see how messy it was.

Back then, I struggled to understand what I should do to keep safe. I was asking for help and some guidance, and nobody gave me the right kind of information. I missed my insurance application deadline by a year and a half, causing crushing poverty, as my employer withheld vital information, and none of the professionals I asked for help were able to correlate my needs with the solutions in place. Not my doctor, my psychologist, my employer - nobody. I was completely shocked how unprepared they all were.

Nobody knew to ask me the right questions to understand if I was getting the help I needed, and I did not realize that I wasn't. A covert mystery that now years later, I can sift through and begin to see what the professionals missed.

I developed PTSD and needed to stop working. Because of missing the insurance deadline I am now fighting in court to get that money back and to get disability benefits which I qualify for, and should be getting for years.

If it wasn’t for my employer’s utter neglect, I would not be where I am today. If any of the professionals were trauma informed and recognized the type of abuse I was experiencing - I would not be where I am today.

But I am not throwing myself a pity party, I am fighting, so that this doesn’t happen to anyone else in the future.“